Validation – Who Needs It? I Wish I Didn’t…

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TW: Whining, a little ingratitude, & problemas del primer mundo

I’ll know by the end of the week if THEY want me!

Who are THEY and why would THEY want me?

I shall explain using general terms, my friends. You see, I’m not supposed to reveal THEY’s identity, so I’ll refer to them as the Voldemorts. 

Here’s the drama du jour. (Or, to be honest, the lack thereof.)

Last month the Voldemorts emailed me with exciting news! I had been nominated as a candidate for a bipolar-themed media project affiliated with a dynamic celebrity!

(For those of you on the edge of your seats, it’s NOT Tom Cruise!!!)

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As you can imagine, I was very honored to be nominated.

I’ll admit that my fragile ego began swelling just a wee bit!

Then the Sally Field Syndrome took hold of me. The actress Sally Field won an Academy Award for her role in Places in the Heart, and during her acceptance speech she unabashedly told the audience,

“I can’t deny the fact that you like me; right now, you like me!”

After my initial excitement about being nominated faded, I realized that the nomination didn’t guarantee I’d be selected. I was competing against other anonymous candidates and I was required to be interviewed by a panel. 

Yuck.

My interview was a conference call with six Voldemorts, and I tried my best to answer their questions in an articulate, relevant and interesting way. After I had finished I thought, “Oh sh*t, I blew it!”

Ugh. 

Now it’s the waiting game. For over thirty years I’ve been through the waiting game many times for various jobs. While this interview wasn’t for a position per se, the stakes were higher because I bared my soul to that panel. The Voldemorts weren’t analyzing my typing skills – they were examining my life and my personality. My intuition told me I didn’t “wow” them, but my intuition had occasionally made a few plenty of mistakes, and I hoped they’d choose me, warts and all.

At least I’m not totally naive. This project is designed to appeal to specific demographics and I can guess what they are. My “advanced” age of forty-six might be a reason they’ll pass. Other factors that could generate a “thanks, but no thanks” are my diagnosis of postpartum bipolar, my relatively humdrum occupation as a writer/mom, or something lame I said.

See how I’m already bracing for rejection? 

My most recent post about praying to the Unknown Angels comes to mind. I’ve been praying to them for this situation’s best outcome, and that’s all I can do. 

Even when I’m doing well and I’m stable as can be, I don’t handle rejection well.

I’ve written six posts about book proposal rejection and schadenfreudeas  you can see, these are topics that fascinate me. Rejection is rejection, whether it’s for a book proposal or a glitzy-sounding media project. Yes, they’re different degrees of rejection, but they are related. It’s important to remember that rejections can turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

For today, I’m trying hard to psych myself up for whatever the Voldemorts decide.

I’ll keep praying to the Unknown Angels and probably drive them crazy, but I’ll be praying this week for extra strength to handle what comes my way. I can learn from this experience. I can look at it as preparation for more rejection because I’ve begun sending out requests for blurbs for my book. Next year I’ll deal with more rejection because as hard as it is to believe 😉 my book won’t get 100% glowing reviews – just kidding. That’s a given!!!

And you know I’ll blog about it again because that’s how I roll! 

What helps you through rejection?

Any experiences you care to share are welcome here!

post-hill

Dyane’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with a foreword by Dr. Carol Henshaw (co-author of The Modern Management of Perinatal Psychiatry) will be published by Post Hill Press in October 2017.

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46 thoughts on “Validation – Who Needs It? I Wish I Didn’t…

  1. Best wishes for getting the project, my dearest lady Dy! Also, as usual, your blogpost is a masterpiece, and if the Voldemorts see your posts and don’t take you for the project, they are idiots! Love and hugs.
    PS
    Sorry for far too few comments recently, I’m trying to get back to blogging, been gone for far too long.

    1. Thanks, my sweet Samina!
      I’m late in replying – please forgive me.
      I’m so glad you’re back in the blogosphere! If you read today’s post, well, you’ll see they rejected me, but each day the sting lessens.

      Writing about it helped me, and so do the comments that are coming in – you understand how great it is to get virtual support from those who “get it.”

      lots of love to you and I hope you have a good weekend!!!!! XoXoXo

      1. Thank you my dearest Dyane! I am so sorry they “rejected” you. But since I think your writing is brilliant, I would never take it as a rejection, only as they were looking for something different, or they are unbelievably dense hmmmmph! Don’t you worry, my brilliant blogess, author, and amazing lady, just keep on doing what you do so brilliantly! I hope you and your family are well. Loads of love and hugs!

  2. Hey, I finally figured out whether you know it or now, sweet Dy you’ve moved up to the point where you can’t be distracted (or drowned …or drained) by longass emails.

    You got work to do. As a woman will a rare (or maybe just rarely known about) variant of the bipolars, you’ve got to get out there and do that work. It’s for them. Your Dx is a (‘Suppressed topic’ like a Scientology ‘Suppressed Person’) and a lot of people are not gonna ‘get you.’ Me either.

    Secondly, I knew the director of “Norma Rae” and “Places In The Heart.” Marty Ritt. He always wore jumpsuits and smoked a cigar. He was a really nice guy.

    I’m pretty sure the Sally Field, “You Like Me, You Really Like Me” speech was for Norma Rae? Her first academy award, where she had moved up a few notches above “Gidget” and “The Flying Nun”: and the “Academy” ranked her as tops. Because she regarded herself as ‘just some dumb TV actress.’

    Now, here’s the thing about the late Martin Ritt, Blacklisted During the Witchhunts …every movie he did, practically, the leading actor got their first Oscar. Cicely Tyson (Sounder) Paul Newman (Hud) Tommy Lee Jones for something else…it goes on and on.

    ITS ABOUT THE COMPANY YOU KEEP. THE RESULTS WILL COME, DY. So don’t be afraid, rejection happens more when the caliber of the company you keep goes up a few notches.

    I get rejected a Ton.

    My personality is such a forcefield that I get rejected 50% of the time for stuff I’m nominated for, or stuff I reach out and get selected for. This is happening for people I’ve given really great work, plus a side dish of my soul. I get ‘cut back down to side.’ I’m not petty enough to give you details. Besides, this need of Validation I have is part of a painful ‘Schema,’ my ‘Loop’ of false, painful untrue belief systems from my borderliner, bipolar, genius Dad.

    The truth is, the Voldemorts (sp) barely deserve you. If. Even. If. You. Your time might be better spent elsewhere. You and I just don’t realize this yet.

    Aren’t you past the ‘book proposal’ stage w/manuscript in hand? Or are you using the ‘proposal’ to ink deals on further projects?

    We are watching the Scientology show with actress Leigh Remini (sp)? she’s got the right attitude. Fuck ’em. Seriously.

    Remember, those people on that video project are looking at a bunch of candidates so that they purposefully can choose and NOT choose. It’s like auditioning for stupid McDonald’s commercials over and over. Sometimes, Dy, we just don’t fit the Voldemort’s Mold.

    I’m rethinking that Tardive story I withdrew from my Moldemorts (Hp). I can’t seem to get it arrested. But then I remember the late Martin Ritt. Blacklisted on both coasts.

    Allison

    1. Hey Allison!

      It’s me, tardy Dyane. You figured out how to leave this comment perfectly!
      That’s cool you knew the director of “Norma Rae” – very interesting history about Martin Ritt and how his stars won Oscars yet he was blacklisted….how horrible and unfair.

      Check out this Sally Field info, courtesy of Wikipedia:

      “Then came a second Oscar for her starring role in the 1984 drama Places in the Heart.[19] Field’s gushing acceptance speech is well remembered and has since been both admired as earnest and parodied as excessive. She said, “I haven’t had an orthodox career, and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it—and I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!”[20] Field was actually making a humorous reference to dialog from her role in Norma Rae, but many people missed the connection.[21]”

      Sally Field’s son Peter Craig was in my chemistry class in high school. One day she showed up at the classroom door. I have no idea why, but she looked really familiar to me but it was so out of context I was baffled about her identity. After talking to my former actress mom, who know who was who, if you know what I mean, the Sally Field mystery was solved!

      You’re right in that I get overwhelmed by long emails. I have focus problems – I don’t even want to give them a label. I’m also plain-old lazy and get tempted to escape to Netflix (latest binges: “Paranoid” – it was so good, and “Marcella” which I think you might like and lastly “DCI Banks” – I’m a big fan of British productions.)

      I love your perspective about how it’s about the company we keep. I’ll remember that. You’re right.

      Re: “Aren’t you past the ‘book proposal’ stage w/manuscript in hand? Or are you using the ‘proposal’ to ink deals on further projects?” I’m not going for further projects. Now it’s all about pre-promotion of the book and it’s kind of a limbo stage too.

      I’m still waiting to be assigned an editor by Post Hill Press, which will be early 2017. Right now I’m asking a few virtual contacts (including bestselling authors & brilliant, world-renowned psychiatrists) to consider endorsing the book. I’ve gotten one great blurb so far, and two more on the way, which is awesome. Even asking people to endorse the book involves rejection, I’m going to do my best to deal with it well.

      ANYWAY, sorry to be me-me-me. Yuck! Bad habit!
      I’m glad you enjoyed the Leah Rehmini Scientology show – that sounds really fascinating, and I’m glad she has the right “kick-ass” attitude. Her book did gangbusters, didn’t it? She’s incredibly successful and I’m sure the Scientologists are less than thrilled! Hee hee. 😛

      All the greatest writers have gotten TONS of rejection, so do not feel bad. You’re incredibly prolific and creative and brave. Keep it up – that’s what I always (gently) remind you.

      And big thanks, Allison, for taking the time to provide an insightful and juicy comments!!!!

      Hope you’re having a good night! I’m off to lose myself in DCI Banks Episode Two – wooo hoo! Those Brits are a freaky bunch!
      💕
      Dy

  3. Oh, Dyane, I love, love, love you! Look forward to reading the follow-up in the next post. BTW, wanted to let you know I’ve added your blog to the list of bipolar blogs in the sidebar of my blog, and put them all at the top. Going to refer to them all again on Monday in a new post.
    Keep your head up, sweet girl! ❤

    1. Dear Susan, I’m soaking up your love! I love the love! 💜Thank you SO much!!!!! 💕
      💖
      And I’m truly honored you’re adding my blog to your blog’s sidebar in the bp-themed
      section – that really makes me happy! 🌞 Many thanks!

      While I’m still licking my ego wounds a wee bit, I received beautiful comments like yours that lift me up. They help me remember I’m worth more than any rejection. I will do as you advise and keep my head up high. I’m sending you HEAPS of love for your kindness and support. When I think of you, I think of heavenly sounding birds singing, so here’s a bird just for you: 🐦
      ❤️

  4. Hi Dyane,

    Writing for yourself and your select audience instead of the Voldermorts could be one way to stay motivated. After all, we all love your writing and want to see you succeed. Of course, easier said than done, right?

    Congratulations on your nomination!

    Carol

    1. Aww, thanks beautiful Carol! 🌺

      Oh yes – I’ll continue to write for myself and my fab niche audience no matter what. ✏️(Can you tell I love emojis) The Voldemorts are ultimately a blip in my life, and even though it has been painful, I’ve learned from this experience. As promised, I’ll be blogging about it on Thursday or Friday, and writing always helps me through a challenging time. I know you understand!

      Thanks for your amazing support and positivity – you’ve been such a bright light on the internet, and I look forward to giving you a hug “IRL”this winter!

      I hope you have a wonderful Sunday, & I’ll check to see what you’re up to on Twitter & Instagram, of course! 😜And always keep in mind that if you need to borrow a cup of fancy New Leaf organic sugar I’m here for you!!!
      lots of 💖, Dyane

  5. Okay, first, congratulations for being nominated! What an honor! (I’ve never been nominated for anything!) I suppose when you get to that level you focus on winning, of course, and I’m sure I would, too. And while I don’t know the details, you deserve the award and many, many more! If this is not a win, remember the nomination is. Don’t worry about anything “wrong” you think you may’ve said. Have you ever heard the stupid ass things the contestants say at the Miss America contestants? One of my sorority sisters talked about how she looked forward to eating pizza and she placed in the top 5!! (She was supposed to have won actually, but Regis read the list wrong. True story!)

    Anyhoo, don’t you fret, rather feel the honor of being nominated. If, God forbid, you don’t win, it’s like any other contest, they had something, someone in mind amd you were too good for it/them anyway. There will be many more my dear.

    Besides, I bet you win! So think positive, will ya? 😘👍🙀practice your surprised look and wave!

    1. WENDY! Thank you for your comment!!!! 💖👍

      You HAVE been nominated for a very amazing award:

      It’s called “The World’s Most Incredible Writing Mentor Award” and I nominated you…
      to the sponsor (The Universe! )
      and guess what???
      You WON! 🌞

      I filled everyone in on the details of what happened with that media project in my new post – go take a peek, my friend. All the comments were great and they really helped me – my eighty-year-old Mom even wrote a comment that cracked me up. She asked, “Who is Demi Lovato?” – that’ll make more sense when you check out the post.

      And yes, I was honored to be nominated! I need to remember that from now on, and not worry one bit about the rejection part.

      That’s hilarious that your sorority sister spoke about how she looked forward to eating pizza 🍕 and she placed so high! (Maybe she WAS high? Just kidding! But munchies come to mind!!!)

      Speaking of minds, I have good things on my mind ever since the documentary rejection – one of them is a podcast I told you about on the phone with the New Jersey actor/comic. (I don’t want to name names yet because I don’t want to jinx it….silly me, but I’m superstitious and I want to wait a bit longer until everything is confirmed.) and the other good thing; no, make that a great thing is that some amazing writers/doctors/nonprofit exec. directors have told me they’ll be happy to endorse my book. I didn’t even need to twist their arms. I merely asked them to consider endorsing the book, yet they replied they *would* endorse it! Love it!

      I hope this weekend finds you doing well. Also, I found out about a new fellowship @ Wellstone that’s only 2 weeks long. It doesn’t include airfare (boo!!!!), but hey – if you went for it, I could visit you!!!!!!! Here’s the link, and I’m sending you lots of 💗

      http://www.wellstoneredwoods.org/wcr-writing-fellowship/

    1. Hey honey pie, forgive me for not commenting @ your new post yet.
      I will catch up this weekend.
      (You know I’m there for you with those retweets!!!)

      Thanks for what you wrote – it made me feel good, my awesome friend!!
      Lots of love to you!!! 💖💖💖

  6. Oy, I’d be doing the exact same thing in your shoes: kinda thinking like I already one it, then telling myself, “No. NO. You DON’T know if you are in, so brace yourself for the ‘unfortunately’ email.” You’re doing awesome so far, keeping feet on the ground and checking in with the Unknown Angels. I do hope they pick you, of course, because no one is so open, so true, so caring, so strong, so funny, so determined, so AWESOME as you. No matter what, Java Queen, you rock. :)xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    1. As long as I have true friends like you & my Rocket Fuel ☕️ 🚀
      I’m golden!!! 👑👍
      Thanks, lovely Lady J! 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

      your faithful kindred ‘n caffeinated spirit,
      SpyDy 🔭

    1. Oh Lisa, thank you so much – you know just what to write!
      You’ve reminded me that I don’t need the Voldemortes seal of approval, and if they reject me, I’ll let them know they’ll need to answer to Lisaisanauthor! ✏️
      And they shall tremble!!! 😜

  7. I think what you are feeling is part of the human experience, utter natural and understandable. Post soon to follow about how I am going to handle *potential* rejection.

      1. Sorry for the delayed response, little under the weather again so I have been hibernating somewhat.

  8. I can so relate to that. Just found out I didn’t get another book award! You’ll learn about those schemes soon enough…well, my fingers and toes are crossed for you (even though that’s kind of hard)!

    1. Hi Martha! I’m so sorry you didn’t get the book award – you should have!!!

      I sure appreciate your crossing those fingers for me, and wow – toes too! 👀 I’m honored. 😃
      Thanks for your lovely support – you’ve been a steadfast source of encouragement, and I’m so lucky to be connected with you, my kind neighbor! 💗

  9. Okay, I have to go on the record and say that for at least two years I’ve been saying you will be famous some day. This post is only confirming that my prediction is correct. If not this project, there will be another one. Just saying… 🙂

    1. You make me chuckle, Sharon! I ***know*** you predicted fame, and of course I thought of you when I found out I was nominated! 😌 Thanks for having faith in me! ✨⭐️

      Forgive me for not commenting on your VERY exciting post about the debut of your book “Despair to Deliverance” (co-written with Robin Personette) being available – I WILL be doing that this weekend – that’s such an enormous achievement, and I’m thrilled for you.

      Here’s the link to your post about your book’s debut in case anyone would like to check it out:

      https://despairtodeliverance.com/2016/11/30/we-have-a-book/

      thanks again! Congratulations!

    1. Ha ha ha, SuperMommy – thanks for having faith in me!
      Estas una madre muy bonita y incredible. 😘 I hope I wrote that correctly – my grandmother was a Spanish teacher, but unfortunately she died when I was three, so I didn’t benefit from her knowledge.
      Lots of love to you and your beautiful family! 💕

    1. Denise, you’ve always been so wonderful & encouraging ever since I moved up here.
      You’re one of the Bravest, Wisest Mentors around- thank you SO much for taking time to read & comment!
      💖 to you & your family

  10. I wish you the best. I tend to back out of requests for participation in no doubt less impressive projects (usually writing for free), because I find it stressful. So, either you’ll be chosen, and I’ll congratulate your. Or, you won’t be chosen, and you’ll be less stressed out.

    1. Thanks my lovely Kitt, 🌺

      I usually back out of requests too! Craig has been through plenty of rejection with his book (although he received many accolades that lesson rejection’s sting!) so he has been a good voice of reason/sounding board, much like you!

      No matter what the outcome, it truly helps to know you’re in my corner. Hope you have a good Saturday and I also hope that when you’re up for it, you’ll treat me & your other Instagram followers with some more gorgeous flower photos – but no pressure to do it unless you’re so inclined. Pressure smothers out joy.

      💜 you!

  11. “What helps you through rejection?”
    That’s a difficult question. Other than wallow in self pity, I’m not sure. I look forward to some of the answers you get.

    1. “Wallow in self-pity” – that’s an honest answer, my dear B! In the past, I “dealt” with rejection by stopping by the Italian bakery down the road or going to to the market and buying gourmet chocolate bars. Our Lose It! Wondrous Writer team member Maire writes in a journal or on her computer, which is much healthier, isn’t it? I wish I could be that virtuous…alas, I don’t think I’m quite there yet!
      (((Hugs))) to you & Maurice – I’ll catch up @ your blog this weekend!

  12. Rejection/needing validation is hard; until it isn’t anymore. And that’s about the time you decide your work is measured by your own compass and most of it for your own greater good. You just grow past all the b.s. eventually and realize you don’t have to jump through anyone’s hoop.

    There is NOTHING hum-drum about you.

    If the Voldemorts want you—tra la!!! If not, meh, don’t care.

      1. Your Captain appreciates you, Ms. Beautiful, Slender, Wondrous Writer!!! Thanks for being there for me, and also I’m so happy you shared how you deal with rejection. (At least now you have an adorable Miss ELLA by your side to give you love if for some silly reason you face rejection…! 😽)

    1. My Wise & Dear Merry – I love your comment. I can learn from your perspective, and others can too.

      As I type these words, I’m on my way to growing past the b.s. 💩😜

      I’ve learned a lesson from this experience. How I wish I could rewind a month ago because I would’ve asked specific questions about the project instead of blindly diving in and applying without thinking. Being assertive and circumspect (by asking for additional information about their process) would’ve helped me soooo much.

      I’ll explain what I mean by that in next week’s post, in which I shall name names (but not in a vindictive way!) and through being specific, I hope to make a heck of a lot more sense.

      Maybe my experience will help someone else, which would be the best part of the whole enchilada.

      As for my not being hum-drum, oh Merry, ***thank you*** for that!!!!! 😽

      Much 💖to you!

      Dyane

      p.s. I didn’t know you had this cool YouTube video about your book “Waaay Beyond Lemonade” – it’s so awesome to see YOU speak! 🍋🍋🍋 What a magnificent orange tree you’re standing next to – that’s orange, isn’t it?

      1. It WAS a kumquat tree…Sadly, B took it down in a fit of annoyance. It dropped fruit everywhere, and it’s inedible without a ton of sugar…

        Sorry it’s taken me three weeks to see this and reply. Maybe I’ll get more enthused about blogging in 2017.

        In the meantime, thank you for your kind words, and yes….your experiences are helping others. Keep fighting the good fight, Honey Pot!

        Lots of love,
        Merry

  13. Oh my God!!! I hope you get it!! Sending lots of positive vibes your way!!! They better know that you’d be perfect for the project. Otherwise, their not worth your time. Good luck my dear!😁 XOXOXO

    1. Oh sweet Lady J, thank you for being supportive & for the positive vibes! You’ve always have been that way with me, even when you’ve been going through the roughest of times, and it means more than my sleepy reply can convey. I need more coffee, like a bathtub’s worth! ☕️☕️☕️

      I had a vivid dream last night in which I went jogging and I came across a lion in the woods (it didn’t occur to me that lions don’t hang out in the woods, but whatever…) BUT it was clear this lion was seriously thinking of having me for breakfast and she/he started nibbling my hand. 👀

      What the hell does that mean, Jess? LOL!
      At least the beast didn’t kill me outright because I woke up. Thank goodness for small mercies, right?

      And on that totally wackadoodle note, I’m sending YOU positive vibes and no lion-nibbling dreams/nightmares of any kind! Only good dreams!

      Lots of love always, Dy 💞💞💞

  14. I love that you wrote about this, and I truly believe any organization would be lucky to have you. I am horrible with rejection to the point of defeating myself by not even trying. I have horrible patterns with this, though hopefully I’m gradually improving. Good luck!!! And remember to love yourself regardless of the outcome because you are amazing!!! ❤️

    1. Hey beautiful Viv,

      You must return to this blog next week (pretty please) and read the follow-up. I’ve been busy learning a BIG lesson 📝 and I’ll write about it in the next post.

      According to many groovy self-help books I read, learning life lessons is significant for our spiritual growth as well as loving ourselves. 💓 (Plus a few more things, i.e. practice compassion, service to others…I know you already know these tenets.)

      I also ***know*** you’ll gradually improve with whatever challenge you focus upon. What’s super-cool is as you blog about those challenges & you’re obviously inspiring your followers! I love how you take concrete action in different areas of your life, and you write about all of it so brilliantly and truthfully over @ Grief Happens.

      Thanks for the kind words, by the way – that never gets old!!! Love to you always! 💜💗😘

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