Got Internet Trolls? Meet Miss Lucy, J.D.!

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I’m Miss Lucy and I have a Juris Doctor degree! I’m ready to bring it on!

 

Internet Troll Defined: in internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, and by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

Two studies published in 2013 and 2014 have found that people who are identified as trolls tend to have dark personality traits and show signs of sadism, antisocial behavior, psychopathy, and machiavellianism (the employment of cunning and duplicity in statecraft or general conduct).

My recent Huffington Post article about how ECT saved my life brought out all kinds of nasties, which I fully expected. Their mission is to find people like me who write online about positive ECT experiences, and then they spew lots of heinous comments. 

Enter a person with a lot of free time on her hands. She hails from the  remote Australian outback. I’ll call her “Olivia Newton”.

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G’day, mate! Olivia Newton’s my name and trolling’s my game!

I proclaim Olivia Newton as the winner of the “Most HuffPost Comments Written Award” (20+) and “Most Bizarre HuffPost Comments, Many of Which Have ALL-CAPS” Award.

Olivia Newton’s remarks had the flavor of Dr. Evil’s introductory speech in the film Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.

During a father-son therapy group brilliantly led by actress Carrie Fisher, Dr. Evil reveals his bizarre childhood in his group introduction. Dr. Evil depicts his father vividly and says, “He’d make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.”

That line particularly reminded me of Olivia Newton’s comment which asserted that “Bipolar disorder was invented in 1995!” 

If you’ve never seen Dr. Evil in group therapy, it’s worth watching!  

Ever since my article was published, I was handling the negative comments fairly well. After reading the first two lines of a comment, I could tell which way it was going. If the comment seemed respectful, I’d read the whole thing and sometimes reply. If not, well, buh-bye! 

The day I read Olivia Newton’s first three Huffington Post comments, I tried to be compassionate and give her a chance.

At first I replied to her, although it was obvious that something was way off in her noggin. (I shouldn’t talk, but you know what I mean…) She left more comments the next day, and more after that, and more!!! One of Olivia Newton’s comments falsely claimed I was paid by the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) to lead my free support group. (I wish!)

Then I got an email notifying me that someone replied in response to a three-year-old Amazon book review I wrote about Dr. Liz Miller’s Mood Mapping.

It was Olivia Newton! She found my review, that wily Aussie, and wrote that I was a liar because my book review mentioned I didn’t take medications. 

After I wrote the Mood Mapping review, like many people with bipolar disorder, I attempted the no-medication route and I relapsed so badly I asked for ECT and meds to save my life.

But Olivia didn’t put two and two together, although one of my chickens could do it in her sleep. Her comment calling me other names that I’ll leave to your imagination crossed a line. Of course it was no surprise that she used ALL-CAPS.

I consulted with my lawyer Miss Lucy, J.D. She barked that she’d work with me pro bono, I mean pro doggie bone!

I briefly replied to Olivia Newton on Amazon. I explained I was off meds when I wrote my review, and that her comments had become defamatory. I told her I hired a lawyer and if she wrote any further comments about me on the internet, she’d be hearing from the lawyer.

I didn’t expect that to do a thing, but it hurt so good to write it! 

I wouldn’t have written it if she lived down the street – just sayin’. If she lived here I’d set her up with The Kraken Lady!

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After that hullabaloo was over, I let it go. Then, yesterday I visited my Huffington Post ECT article to check if there were any new comments.

I noticed that half the comments I saw a few days ago were missing. Why could that be?

Olivia Newton had erased all her comments! 

I visited my Amazon Mood Mapping book review. Her comment? Gone!

Miss Lucy saved the day!

I know that hiring a canine lawyer won’t always work in these situations, but for a fleeting moment I savored a feeling of justice.

Have a great weekend, my friends!

XO,

Dyane

Lucy also moonlights as a therapist – this collie is multitalented!

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Dyane’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder will be published by Post Hill Press in 2017.

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31 thoughts on “Got Internet Trolls? Meet Miss Lucy, J.D.!

  1. Wow, what a nut job! I wish I had enough free time on my hands to troll the internet like that, lol! Seriously, she must really have too much free time or something. Glad Lucy scared her away!

    1. I know, I wish I had hours and hours to spend writing comments too, thinking of no one but myself! 😉 I feel sorry for her! Hope she gets the treatment she so desperately needs.

  2. Second book, definitely add the Lucy dog! I also often refrain from reading comments due to trolls. I used to get really upset about Facebook comments as well. I am soooo sensitive. Sounds like you handled it. Whatever works!

    1. I loved your comment (thank you!) – Yesterday I noticed the troll came here to this post and spewed a bunch of troll droppings; I knew that she’d probably find this blog, but she worked faster than I expected. She also tweeted about me, and she followed one of my friends. I blocked her on Twitter, my friend blocked her, and I marked her comments at this post as spam and didn’t read them. I hope that she somehow realizes that her way of cyberstalking innocent people does no good, and her message will go unheard!

      XOXO

  3. WOW. This…it’s the research back into an old book review that gets me. She really had it in for you for some bizarre reason, so much so she must have spent HOURS on this trolling.
    People like this make me sad there’s an Internet–they can’t be prevented access.
    (For the record, people like you make me happy there’s such a thing as the Internet–I’m glad we connected! 🙂

    1. I happily deleted all her troll droppings here and will continue to do so. As soon as I saw it was her, I followed my rule of deletion, so I didn’t read more than one sentence and marked all her comments as spam, so WordPress will automatically put her comments in spam should she choose to spend more of her time cyberbullying me….she completely wasted her time so far. Hopefully she will focus on herself and her family from now on instead of cyberstalk me because I’m not going to be her audience. Thanks so much for your continued support! Xo

      1. Awesome you for tackling that troll–you didn’t even need a bridge to roll her under. 🙂
        And you are most welcome– your voice is worth supporting!

  4. Hilarious and very clever to hire the world renowned Miss Lucy to ward off trolls and other undesirables on the interweb :-))) I say keep her on retainer, with lots of free doggy bones. No seriously, this a brilliant post, very funny, and the way you handled “Olivia” is brilliant! Vive Lady Dy!!! xxxoooo

    1. Thanks my darlin’!!!!!! Yes, she’s on retainer now! Sadly, “Olivia” came after me here to troll away yet some more after you commented, but she doesn’t know she’s dealing with. I’ll never read a word of what she says after the first sentence, so she wasted her time with me. My friend Jean commented here that she read O’s comments, and she wrote that O spent a lot of time on them. Luckily you can arrange it on WordPress to identify a troll as a spammer, so her comments will go directly into spam from now on. One of the many reasons I love WordPress, despite its hiccups! Xo

      1. Oh Yukh, that woman is out of her tiny little mind. I think you can block emails too so they won’t bother you. I also had to put a troll in spam and when she saw her nasty messages weren’t appearing in the comments she stopped what is wrong with these people? The best thing you and I can do is totally ignore them and go on with our fabulous lives hahaha. I’m going to video dialogue from my play and post it just for YOU! Love you Dear Dy! Lots!

  5. Way to go! This post is exactly why I stopped reading the comment sections of articles. It’s rare that any good can come of it. Most of the times it just raises my blood pressure.

    1. Hear, hear, Peanut Butter King! (I promise never to bring p.b. up again!)

      It’s one thing to read comments on others’ articles….I’m glad you stopped reading them,
      When they go off at you personally (and at your father) it’s surreal and even worse.
      I’m grateful, though, that I never need to look at these cretins, oooops, I mean people in the face. Hopefully!

    1. I’m laughing too hard after reading that, Kitt, to write a proper reply! Thanks as always for writing just the perfect thing to lift my spirits!!! XOXOX

  6. Dyane/A funny and witty blog.response. Do you get your sense of humor from your mom???Also does Ms. Lucy have a license to practice in the state you live in???

  7. Very smart! When I saw this post come up on my reader feed, I was very wary of what exactly you were talking about. Then I laughed throughout the whole article! Way to have a great attitude about negativity. Dogs can make anything better, right?

    1. My dog is the light of my life! It makes me chuckle just a bit that you wondered what the heck the post would be about (forgive me, please!!!) – the post is accompanied by a photo of the adorable Lucy in some places like the reader, but in others like Facebook & Twitter the “troll woman” face appears, which is scary! Anyway, I’m very, very glad you enjoyed the article! :))))) Have a great day, Cassie!

      1. Actually, at first glance I thought you had been spammed or something. Like it was an ad, haha. Is it Friday yet?!?!

      2. I’m counting down the hours to TGIF! Thank goodness no spam has gotten me here….yet. (Fingers and toes are crossed that it stays that way for a long time!) I did have something happen a while ago in which I suddenly couldn’t reply to comments, and I contacted WordPresss staff (did you know they are called “Happiness Engineers”?) & they lived up to their titles….they were great.

  8. YAY, LUCY!!! And YAY, YOU for standing up for yourself!!!! All with your spicy sense of humor intact!! You have a lot to teach the world by example, my friend, and I love your lessons!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

    1. Maybe my 2nd book should be “Life Lessons with Lucy” with a long introduction written by the upcoming author BIPOLAR ON FIRE! ;)))))))))) XOXOXOX

    1. Aw, thanks Leslie! I honestly expected that retaining Miss Lucy for counsel would go in one of Olivia Newton’s ears and out the other! But that Scottish Collie did her magic!
      Xo

      1. Yeah, I’m surprised it worked as well! It’s a great tactic for someone “in real life” but that Lucy is extra special that she could handle a troll!

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