When A Member of Our Tribe Disappoints Us

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Six months ago I had a disappointing experience with another blogger who has bipolar disorder.  I’m curious if any of you have ever experienced a similar situation. Although I no longer think often about what happened, it still comes up, which I’ll explain towards the end of this vent post.

 

The X File

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By glancing at X’s cheerful Gravatar image, one would think this self-proclaimed bipolar advocate is positive and kind. And yes, X seemingly does possess these attributes through interactions with Twitter followers, but X has not been kind to me.

Everything I’m about to explain stems from one Twitter exchange. 

I tweeted X. I asked her to please retweet my blog post link. X was retweeting tweets of every subject imaginable to our “tribe” so I didn’t think twice about asking her. I liked what she was doing and thought she was a kindred spirit.

I assumed that as a bipolar disorder advocate she’d want to help me.  Other reputable people and organizations retweeted my link, so I wasn’t asking her to tweet something unethical like a nude line dancing website or anything like that.

She didn’t help me. When I messaged her about it, her reply was odd. I sensed something was off and I was upset about the exchange because I’m too sensitive.

Some of you may be thinking, 

Dyane, it has been six months! Let this silly Twitter thing go – it’s not worth your time! And this is a boring post – c’mon, why don’t you write about a real drama queen-type of situation? Like nude line dancing!  Jazz it up!

Well, my lovely readers, I was beginning to let the X-change go because hey – I’m busy. I facilitate a free support group, I’m running a Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) Chapter, and most importantly, I have two kids, a husband and Miss Lucy Collie to care for. I’m also completing my manuscript, doing laundry, cleaning, working out, and eating too much gelato.

In her own unique way, X was encouraging me to “let go”of her as X blocked me from her Twitter account! Her blocking threw me off — it bummed me out. For you fellow Twitteraddicts,it’s one thing to mute someone; it’s something totally different to block.

In my classic paranoid fashion, I  started thinking that I did something wrong. I cringe while typing this, but here goes: I emailed X an apology for anything I wrote that may have offended her. I added that I’d gladly tweet her causes whenever she asked me for help. Sure, I did nothing wrong, but I apologized nevertheless. Ugh.

I didn’t receive a response.

Then things got strange.

After blocking me from her Twitter account, X started following my blog.  

Then X started “liking” my blog posts.

I wondered if X was liking my posts in hopes of my followers spotting her Gravatar so they’d be attracted to her blog. Who knows?

Does it matter in the big picture of worldly events?

NOPE!

However, I couldn’t help but wonder if X is doing strange behavior to other well-meaning people.

What I describe between me and X is superficial, but it’s still disappointing. I’ve had nothing but positive experiences with WordPress and Twitter until this occurred.

As X continues to virtually network and earn the trust of strangers vulnerable with mood disorders, it disturbs me that she’s playing these passive/aggressive games.

Obviously X is not doing well. I can guess that she needs much more support than she’s getting. She’s fixating on helping others, yet she’s not dealing with her own bipolar disorder. I’ve seen this happen with others, namely a former close friend, and she wound up relapsing. Hopefully someone close to X is aware of how she’s doing and is getting her the help she needs.

All this stuff got me really freaked out for a while. I obsessed about it because I’ve always been insecure. I also think it’s a form of self-sabotage. I stop focusing upon and acting upon the REALLY important things in my life.

To use a cheesy phrase, I’m sweating the small stuff so badly that I start to drown in rivers of funky sweat. This reaction helps no one. Since I’m finally in a position to help others, i.e. my family, the support group, the book, I’m stopping this pattern. Now.

At this point, there’s nothing I can do with X except show compassion towards her. It wasn’t easy for me to do that when her Gravatar popped up on my post about my brother-in-law’s death, but whatever. I took a deep breath and went on with my day. 

Even though this type of life lesson is NOT fun, I’ve learned from it. So here’s what I’m taking away from the X File incident apart from working on being compassionate:

I want to grow a thicker skin.

I need to not try so hard to make things okay when it’s apparent that the other person has problems I can’t fix. (I’m sure there’s more.)

I’m incredibly fortunate to have the support system of my family, my counselor/pdoc and YOU – the blogosphere!

Thanks for reading, my friends. I appreciate each one of you!

Xo,

Dyane

Dyane Leshin-Harwood’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with a foreword by Dr. Walker Karraa (author of the acclaimed Transformed by Postpartum Depression: Women’s Stories of Trauma and Growth) will be published by Post Hill Press next year.  

 

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73 thoughts on “When A Member of Our Tribe Disappoints Us

  1. Hello,
    Very late to the party here, but of the things you want for yourself: to develop a tougher skin…this is something my relatively new director typed in my email from her regarding goals. I thought this was very odd for an office email, but it instantly humanized her a bit more to me (as I’d been warned) and I still think of it six months later when I feel that I’m overreacting to someone’s words/behavior. I don’t always let it soothe me to the point of calm, but hopefully with continued practice….

    Also, I wonder if the over-apologizing thing is a trait most bipolar folks posses…I have apologized to a roommate who left me stranded in a rural field by the side of the road–peeled out and I had to walk for miles and hitch-hike….something most people wouldn’t apologize for. Yes we were fighting, but wow. I still apologize to her….for egregious behavior on her part. Don’t get it.

    1. Hey, better late than never! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by…

      Interesting about the “tougher skin” issue with your new director – hmmm. I’m glad it humanized her to you, at least, eh?

      Re: the fight with your roommate – I could see myself doing the same thing that you did with your roommate in terms of the apology behavior. How *awful* she stranded and endangered you like that!!! Unless you stabbed her with a fork, there’s really no excuse for what she did.

      I too wonder if over-apologizing is much more common with those w/bipolar – I wouldn’t be surprised if the answer is a resounding yes! I really appreciate your taking time to share, and it’s good to see you here.

      Wishing you a GOOD 2016!
      take care,
      Dyane

  2. I don’t have a lot of interaction on WP, but oh I’ve had this on FB with TLC so many times with other page owners. It is upsetting, I get it. I’m sorry that this happened to you.

    You are wonderful.

    XO
    Me

    1. You ALWAYS lift me up, beautiful Nicole!
      I dedicate one of my favorite Thomspon Twins songs to you called “You Take Me Up”!! Go 80’s Music Forever!!!!!!!

  3. “What I describe between me and X is superficial, but it’s still disappointing. ”

    This was the best line for me (Yvette). Shrug that ish off. I think it’s disappointing because this about the type of person you are. You want to make sure everything and everyone and you are okay. And if it isn’t you want to know why. Sometimes, whys just mess up our day, so shrug it like Blah said. I need one of those Shrug life, but in a hoodie.

    🙂

    1. I’d LOVE a Shrug Life tank top – it’s going to be 95 degrees here today!!!! Ahhhhh!!!!

      Anyway, at this point I want to be around people who make a positive difference, who are stable and who are fascinating, creative, & have heart…i.e. YOU!!!!!! SUPERMOM/WRITE/ADVOCATE YVETTE!

      How do you like my gorgeous new OLE/Our Lived Experience badge on this blog home page?
      I hear that blog’s pretty amazing.

      I gotta go read the latest post there – I’m so dang behind on reading my top blogs but I’ll get there. I won’t allow myself to read anything until I do the hard work first, i.e. write some memoir stuff. You know that’s no walk in the park! Xo

  4. Oookhaaay, so I made the mistake of Googling Naked Line Dancing to see what the fuss was about. Now is it me, or does the topiary on those ladygardens look a bit over-pruned? It offends my hairy European sensibilities (joking, fairly sure there’s nothing on the internet that could do that these days). Thank you for helping me check whether my “safe search” was on or not – I was trying to find inspiration for a sexy bath scene in a book yesterday and it turns out “sexy bath play” apparently isn’t a genre of thingy. It was just swimwear models, who were neither playful nor in a bath. They probably still weren’t safe for kids to see, I don’t know. Sorry this is probably a really inappropriate comment feel free to delete I’ve gone a bit hypo because I didn’t take my meds last night. Imma fool.

    1. You are hilarious – your comment is just fine & dandy – it’s far from inappropriate! I know I shouldn’t be laughing quite so hard about it, but I can’t help it.

      Don’t be hard on yourself about not taking the meds last night – we all mess up with our meds in one way or another, and at least you’re aware you skipped it – you’re aware you’re a teeny bit up, and you can catch the hypo! I did a similar thing recently at the writers conference. I didn’t skip my meds, but due to all the stimulation and new atmosphere etc. I went hypo very quickly, and luckily I had an emergency Seroquel on me which brought me from 2 hours “sleep” to 6 hours.

      Hope you have something that helps you, and I think you’ve blogged about what’s happening – I’ll hop over to your blog tonight to check out the latest…..
      from the greatest…..
      the one and only jasminehoneyadams! 🙂

      1. Thank you this afternoon I’ve spent 4 hours ironing to try and uncrease every piece of fabric in the house (clean ones only though) and then I got caught up on whether sound vibrations could affect my mental state (early indications are good) and I wish I was joking about all of this but at least I can still see it all so I don’t think I’ve gone beyond hypo. I daren’t take my next Seroquel until an hour before bedtime because without the Seroquel I have no idea when to eat – I literally have no appetite without it and used to not eat for days sometimes before I started it.

      1. If you Google “naked line dancing” I advise that you do so on an empty stomach and be prepared for some pornography images….as far as the over-pruned ladygardens, that’s quite a phrase and I much prefer it to other ones that are more crude! 😉

  5. I had a negative experience on WordPress a number of years ago. Someone who followed me took issue with another commenter’s comment and began to insult and argue with her. After a lot of back and forth between me and him and another commenter (who attempted to intervene on the victim’s behalf), I shut down all comments on that post and blocked him from commenting on my blog. (I had to email the victim and apologize to her for his behavior occurring on my site, and to thank her for behaving so graciously toward him even as he insulted her.) His comments still appear in my spam folder, so at random moments he pops up and tries to guilt me into opening dialogue with him again. But his behavior is erratic; if he agrees with the blogger, he’s sweet, but if he doesn’t, he’d snap! and the blogger was in for it. Disturbing. I felt it was safer to keep him from commenting. I want my blog to be a safe place!

    1. Sadly that seems to happen a lot – people who act sweet until you disagree with them. Then BAM – they turn on you in an instant. It really sucks. I’m not sure what’s worse – when it’s a friend or when it’s s public figure that you had looked up to.

      Sadly I’m so used to it that it only bothers me when it’s a person of influence in the mental health community because I worry about other people who might be vulnerable being targeted for the same bullying.

      1. I agree with you on all those counts.

        It’s the major downside of the internet to be let down by our friends and public figures we admire, isn’t it? I was naive to expect I’d never have a problem, but this one really caught me off guard. I was also frightened for my safety. I know this will sound paranoid, but bullies like to bully in real life too, and I live relatively near X, I have children & my fur baby, and I have their safety to think about as well. But I documented what took place with X, I have X’s real name, address and some other info. I gave it to my husband, and I’m on very good terms with the local police department. This Mama Bear don’t mess around! 😉

        Anyway, thanks for writing and I hope this finds you well.
        I really appreciate your taking the time to read my post!
        take care,
        Dyane

    2. I think you handled this dilemma so well, Laura. I’m just sorry that you and the others had to deal with it! :(I wish we could block followers, but WordPress simply won’t budge unless (and I might be wrong about this) the police get involved.

      Anyway, you’d think this person would get the hint and stop commenting, but alas, he does not. I applaud you for keeping your blog safe – that’s so important to me and 99.9% of the other bloggers!!!

      1. Well, at various points, he’s stopped commenting, often for months on end. Then, just as suddenly, there he is in my spam box! I wish we could block followers, too, but I can see why WP wouldn’t like that unless there was a legal reason for it. Ah well. I’m sure God is using those spam-comments to give me a tougher skin and teach me that I can’t control other people!

  6. Ok, last comment. A serious one now. Sorry to be such a bigmouth. But It’s about apologizing. I find that I too over-apologize. And it’s demeaning to me!! And I have to work on not doing it and remind myself that I am a person of worth. And I want to remind YOU Dyane, that YOU are a person of WORTH. And you owe X no apology. EVER!!

    1. Hey cool cat, thank you, thank you! XOXOXO
      We’ll remind one another not to over-apologize!!!!!!!
      I’m getting better at it, but there’s a lot of room for improvement! :0
      p.s. you are NOT a bigmouth! I heart YOU!

      1. I was tempted, but I’m also frightened of this person due to her instability and strange behavior…she doesn’t live that far away from me.

    1. Well, I did a Google Image search on the term “nude line dancing” and “naked line dancing” out of sheer curiosity, and it was, um, eye-opening! 😉
      Luckily the kids weren’t looking at the screen! I laughed through my “eeeeeewwwwwww!” though.

  7. Hi Dyane, I love that you’re not afraid to show how vulnerable you can be when something upsets you. Shows how real you are, and your situation with X is something we can all relate to (in terms of feeling disappointed by someone considered part of your community), including myself! The most important lesson learned from this experience is what you wrote at the end — that we can make all the assumptions in the world, but that there’s no point obsessing about things we can’t control, and as others mentioned in their comments, all we can do is focus on ourselves and things that we can control in our own lives. I’m sure X triggered you to experience something similar from your past (of experiencing disappointment), so I think that might be sonething to explore?
    Enjoy the rest of the weekend Dyane,
    Vania

    1. Hi Dr.Vania! (I always think of you as Dr. Vania, not Dr. Manipod)
      I’m honored that you took time to comment. Every blogger should be lucky enough to have you as a follower!

      Re: X’s Triggering – at my core, I felt rejected by X, and God knows I’ve had plenty of rejection in my 45 years.It’s always a drag. Despite the fact that I discovered X’s true colors are less than rainbow-like, a part of me wanted to be liked/accepted by this toxic person, which is, in a word, veryverysuperduperyunhealthy! (Yes, that’s a word! My invention! 😉

      I’ve learned from this virtual unpleasantness, and after reading some of these comments, I’ve realized how much worse internet bullying can be. I’m thankful that my situation pales in comparison.

      Enjoy tonight – the weekend FLEW by way too fast!!

      I look forward to reading your latest post & thanks again for your fabulous perspective and encouragement.
      take care,
      Dyane

      1. ANOTHER REASON WHY YOU’RE SO COOL: YOU ARE HUMBLE! 🙂 (SORRY THIS IS ALL CAPS – I’M NOT SURE WHY!)
        HAVE A GREAT DAY AND I HOPE IT’S NOT AS WARM (95 DEGREES HERE TODAY) WHERE YOU ARE!

  8. I too am very sensitive to these types of interactions on social media and the blog world. I try to remind myself of the fact that I can’t and really don’t have any control over people’s choice to likeme, follow me, listen etc.. Sometimes it stings when a strange encounter like that happens, but it goes away.. Even if it takes months..or more.
    That thick skin develops. Just hopefully not too much, then you won’t feel much. Emotions oh emotions…

    1. Hey Lady D! thanks so much for writing and for —understanding—.
      I don’t want lizard skin, but this paper-thin skin of mine isn’t doing me that much good anymore!
      I want resilient, pewter-like, amazing dolphin skin!
      I wouldn’t mind the dolphin’s bigger brain capacity either! 😉
      Or echolocation for that matter.
      (Can you tell I am a wanna-be dolphin trainer? In another life…)
      I’m doing much better dealing with this silly gobbledygook now after reading your comment along with the others.
      take care & (((big hugs)))
      Dy

      1. Dolphins rule. 🙂 their skin is actually more sensitive than ours…hope that didn’t burst your bubble. Lol 🙂 but I get it. They have a blubber layer to protect them too, which I have mastered :/

    1. I’m glad your blog is troll-free – you have so many fans that if anyone sneezed or tooted at you at Blahpolar Diaries the wrong way, we’d all come to your rescue!

      And ***great*** photo by the way – I LOVE it!
      I’m shrugging away this very moment! Xo

      1. SILLY UNICORN, I ONLY HAVE 760 PRECIOUS FOLLOWERS; YOU HAVE WAAAAAAAAAAY MORE! WORDPRESS STILL COUNTS MY FACEBOOK FOLLOWERS AS PART OF THE TOTAL FOLLOWER COUNT, ALTHOUGH I DIDN’T CHECK OFF THE PUBLICIZE BOX TO DO THAT. EVEN THOUGH I DEACTIVATED MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT (SO GLAD!!!!) THAT NUMBER REMAINS AND IS HOGWASH EITHER WAY, AS MOST FOLLOWERS STOP READING OUR BRILLIANT POSTS, AND/OR FOLLOWING OUR BLOGS, DA FOOLS. AT LEAST I THINK SO….

      2. I didn’t even, I mean I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THEY DID THAT OMG MY FOLLOWER NUMBERS HAVE BEEN FRAUDULENTLY SWOLLEN BY THE ADDITION OF MY 47 FB FOLLOWER O THE SHAME THE SHAME etc.

      3. Dontcha love ALL CAPS!? Sorry about that as I hate them! I mean, I HATE them!?

        Oh lookee here at the time! I got carried away at that glorious Zazzle website! I could spend all day on it. (As you could tell!) Anyhow, I must be off as it’s time for worship services at the Church of the Alien Ascenders. I’ll bring my emotional support banana slug in tow, of course.

      4. I think the new Italian bakery puts something weird in their coffee….but I like it. Maybe it’s banana slug juice? (eeeewwwwwww! I know how much you loathe slugs)

  9. Sadly I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. I hadn’t even thought about it for months. Because after it happened, it took me maybe a day to get over the annoyance, and when I realised there was nothing I could do to protect other people from this person (which took about a week to accept) I walked away from it.

    This particular blogger also writes on a mental health issue (not bipolar) and her information on that issue is 99% fantastic. Best author I’ve found on the topic actually. Which is why I was disgusted one day when she wrote a piece that involved a few comments attacking another group of people (also not bipolar). I made a comment just with some factual information, mainly links to things on that topic. I said it so politely and after she attacked me, I checked with multiple other people if anything was offensive about my original comment and they said no it was not at all offensive and was something that was a lot politer and non-offensive than what they would say etc.

    So I was really surprised when she began attacking me, making personal insults, saying I didn’t know what I was talking about etc. Considering she is a non-professional in her area of blogging and has no knowledge or experience about the condition she was attacking, while I am trained as a psychologist, neuroscientist and mental health nurse, I’m not some ignorant hack. for her to call me a whole bunch of names publicly on her blog, names that can be summed up by saying I was stupid and uneducated, and then block my access to replying while asking me questions, making it look like I was just ignoring her because she was “right” rather than the truth was that I couldn’t reply to provide the factual information she was asking for…. it was just horrible.

    For someone who constantly blogs about bullying and the horrific trauma that bullying does to victims (including online bullying), I found it horrible that she could bully me so terribly, writing abusive things to me, and the passive aggressive manipulative games involved in the blocking my ability to reply. I sent her email asking her politely why she had called me all those names and that I was a mental health professional and had only provided factual information, backed up by actual research and 1. please stop attacking me personally as I never said anything personal about her and 2. please don’t post information that is the opposite of fact as it’s so damaging to those affected by it.

    When she kept attacking me publicly and refusing to talk to me privately, I sent her another email saying I was concerned about her mental health and that what she was doing to me is precisely what she blogs about as being as absolutely disgusting is precisely what she was doing to me. she never replied and after a few days moved on from the topic and stopped attacking me publicly. It did (and does) concern me that she is precisely the bully that she claims to despise so much and it worries me that when she has such a massive following, the damage it can do encouraging people to bully others that disagree with them (the whole disgusting hypocrisy that sadly I see a lot in people – where if they are bullied/abused, it’s a crime against humanity, but they are more than okay with bullying and abusing others) but ultimately, what can be done?

    In the end I had to unfollow all the things of hers that I followed because it was just too frustrating. Every time she posted something about bullying and abuse and how terrible it was, and what constitutes bullying and abuse, all I could think was “what a disgusting attention seeking hypocrite”.

    But ultimately, what can really be done? I did all I could in pointing out what she had done to me was exactly what she campaigns about and in my original comments on the original topics and in expressing my concern for her mental health. Beyond that, all I could do was walk away. I know her type – she will have abused other people before me, and she will abuse people in the future but I’ve done everything I can and now all I can do is walk away and move on. In fact, I’d pretty much forgotten about it until your post.

    But yeah, as annoying people like this are, for your own mental health, all you can do is walk away. You can’t change them, you can’t appeal to their logic or their conscience. All you can do is hope and pray something gets through to them one day before they seriously emotionally hurt someone.

    1. Thank you *so* much for your empathic response. It meant a lot to me that you took time to explain the turn of events with that blogger to show a clear picture of what happened. I’m sorry to make you think of this horrendous experience – 😦 – but you sound very grounded/accepting/balanced, and that’s inspiring to me and I’m sure it will be to others reading this thread.

      I found it very interesting that once you wrote her & stated it was clear she was in trouble mental health-wise, etc. she shut down. That’s very telling, isn’t it? Anyway, you’re right – with people like her and X it’s healthiest for us to walk, no, make that run away and hope, fervently, that their toxic cycle will break down so they don’t continue to hurt other people!

      take care and thanks again for reading & commenting!
      Dyane

  10. Boy, does this bring up memories! I commented on a documentary a rock star did. I thought it was extremely well done and done with humanity. The post found it’s way to him. He responded publicly to me and re-posted everything on every media site he has access to. At first I was excited. Then my Facebook page blew up with his fans asking me questions about Bipolar Disorder and Addiction. We are talking about 1,000 in a day! So I shut Facebook down and went to Twitter. He started to “Like” comments I made or made responses. That is until I called him out on encouraging younger fans to hurt themselves over a kid leaving a boy band because he thought it was funny. He’s 56 and should know better. He didn’t know that I could access what he said about me in the debugging profile because my brother is a computer programmer. I was devastated when I saw what he said about me and found out his contact with me was all about marketing. It took a long time to get past that. His people still monitor all of my posts. I never mention his name. I thought he was someone who understood. I was wrong. I’ll never make that mistake again.

    1. Oh my God, darie73 – I’m so sorry about what happened with the musician and his manipulative, super-unethical marketing ploy. Good for you for being savvy about what he was up to – + you’re lucky your brother’s a computer programmer.

      This man sounds like he’s a very sick individual due to his encouraging his younger fans to hurt themselves; I hope he got professional help because he needs it.

      You’re taking the high road not to mention his name. You didn’t make any mistakes – you thought he understood, that’s all. ***He’s*** the one who made the egregious mistakes. Thanks so much for coming by and sharing what happened – you’ve helped me by writing about something painful, although on an entirely different scale.

      I’m glad you’ve gotten past the worst of what happened, and I wish you my absolute best. I can tell you’re a good person just by the fact that you’re not slandering this #&%%^%**. Many other people wouldn’t be that cool…he should thank his lucky stars that you didn’t go after him legally or otherwise. 😦

      1. He did suffer from depression and addiction. He wrote a book about it. That is the number one reason why I thought he of all people would understand. So him giving me “kudos” on dealing with Bipolar Disorder and having a number of years of sobriety felt good. It was crushing to find out it was B.S. He isn’t the only one in the business to do it. He just got caught. I still get stuff from his fans sometimes and it brings it all back. To know that someone actually thinks you’re “annoying” and they don’t like you, they just pretend is horrible. I get enough of that at home.

      2. I hear you! On all counts… :((( You’re articulate, eloquent and you have heart. %^*^* them! (I don’t mean to direct that at your family….you know what/who I mean! Please forgive my potty mouth. Potty mouth should be my middle name/s! Sending you good juju and please know that you’re a great person – it’s obvious. If you were a yuckmouth you’d be naming this guy all over the place. He should be signing over his royalty checks to you, as far as I’m concerned! 😉

  11. oh lady, and me am here aching to even clock 40 when they say life begins? oh my please time is passing oh, hurry to live every year of those 4+ and ad infini to the most. See the angels up there? see the wagging wag following you all around? See the awesome trio u r momma too? yep tell Craig I said u r his little momma and in my lingua franca, they r called ‘man pickin’ literary meaning a man child 🙂 figure that out. And oh above all, the band of ‘fans’ roaming the tribe huh 🙂

    1. Wow – you’ve given me lots to chew on, magical Fairy Godmother, in your one-of-a-kind way!
      Man-Pickin’? Man child? I’ll figure it out!
      It’s all good today!
      I’m getting comments from some of my favorite folks on this planet such as YOU – a bright soul who lights candles for me to help keep me going, both literally & figuratively.

      love you YOU, Ms. “5-Stars Abanga”!!!!

  12. Dyane,
    Something I always need to remind myself of is to “not take anything personally.” Because it’s usually about them and not about you. All of us are walking around with wounds on us, and other people can rub against those wounds and it causes the hurt person to react. And we can’t control that, mainly because we don’t know the other person’s wound is there. Anyway, I hope this analogy helps in some way. It helps me to not take things personally and to not hurt myself emotionally when someone reacts the way that seems hurtful. Be kind to yourself. Focus on all the good you are doing for “our tribe” and know that others appreciate you. I do! 🙂

    1. Wise, wise words, Linda! They *do* help me! While I know they’re true intellectually, on a heart level, well, you know I still have a ways to go! But I’m working on that consciously now. I lost my brother-in-law to alcoholism two weeks ago, and being around a great deal of grief has made me truly appreciate the good things in my life: a healthy husband, two healthy children, our wacky dog (healthy too, knock on wood) – and these are HUGE blessings! I’m going to focus on that because we never know how long our loved ones will be here. I’ll focus on positive things – can anyone say “Halloween”? 😉 And on a more serious note the good I’m trying to do for others who live with mood challenges in my valley. And I’ll be kind to myself, as you gently suggest – you do the same!!!!!!! You rock! Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom and encouragement.

    2. Dy, I completely agree with Linda — even though I, too, have taken the behavior of others’ personally. In fact, I usually assume that it’s all about me and all my fault, when someone else’s choices have little to do with us.

      1. I’ve been watching a very gritty hit BBC television show about two female murder detectives (it’s SO good: “Scott & Bailey” and I can’t get enough of it, although I usually never watch that kind of intense, dark show. It has a female head writer & two women developed the concept. Watching about what the worst of human nature can do puts this ALL into perspective. After seeing an episode of S&B I feel like a saint. I’m now closing the chapter on X. Assuming drama takes up too much energy in my weary brain. I want to help people – not hurt them, unfriend them (unless they’re toxic) nor block them (unless they are toxic) or make them feel crappy. Life is short. Xo thanks for coming by and I’m glad you like the new look too!! 🙂

      2. If I utter the words “let it go” around here, I get two squeaky-voiced girls singing the AWFUL song from “Frozen”!!!!! I love Idina Menzel – don’t get me wrong – but I am soo sick of the “Let It Go” song! And the current rage is for kids to substitute the words “Let It Poo” in the tune of “Let It Go”. :000000

        Calgon, take me awayyyyyyyyy (p.s. you’re right!)

  13. I guess it’s really hard to know if you really “Know” someone through the blogosphere. (I like to think the friends and connections I’ve made are real and not just internet randomness! )

    I think you already do have thicker skin. You know in your mind that you are dealing with someone who is unstable, that you can only control yourself, and that you have the support of other writers!

    BTW, I love the new page layout, in particular, the cover photo! Too Cute!

    1. Thanks SO much for noticing the new layout – I did it last night….I looked at every single WordPress free theme! I wish I could spend $125 on a fancy layout, but this one works for now. I love that picture of the girls so, so much. I use it all the time, as you may have noticed, even though they’re way older now, ha ha. As far as the subject matter of this post goes, thanks for writing that I already have thicker skin. (Just call me “Lizard”! 😉 No, really – I’m trying, but it’s hard. I tell people I feel like I’m an exposed nerve ending – I pick up on things so easily. Of course it’s easier to deal with this kind of situation through the internet than face-to-face, so I don’t have that challenge. (Thank God.) It helps me to write about it and in sharing this, the dilemma is less charged. I also get so much comfort from everyone’s support – it truly helps me! As does sweating in a *good* way – I’m off to work out! Wishing you a great rest of your weekend, dear Michelle. thanks so much for stopping by; everyone should have a SuperMommyofTwins in her life! 😉

  14. I had something similar happen to me on Facebook. It is really hard because it is weird, feels so random, and there is nothing we can do about it. Like Vic said, once you get your emotional and intellectual sides to agree to a course of action, or inaction, you’ll be good to go.

    1. I’m *very* sorry, Leslie, that you had something like this happen on Facebook! 😦

      Vic always has great advice – that’s why I’ve been a devoted follower of his blog. I wrote this post soon after the whole thing went down and I kept it in a draft file, tempted to trash it. But this afternoon I re-visited my drafts, all 16 of them, and decided to revise & post this. I’ve had mixed feelings sharing it, but I’m just going for it anyway. I totally appreciate your “two cents” (let’s bump that up to a whole dollar). I also hope you get good sleep tonight….fingers and toes and even eyes are crossed, my new friend! Sending you good sandman juju!!!

      1. Yeah, I have a couple of those drafts as well. Mine are mostly pissed off free-writing that I’m not sure if I should share.

        And, thank you for the good sleep wishes!

  15. I have to admit, my experience on WordPress has been solid to date – so no real complaints.

    In addressing your situation, I think you already know what to do intellectually and just need to process it emotionally.

    Focus on you. Focus on your family. Focus on your writing. Those are things you can “control” and should be your priorities.

    As far as blogging goes, you know who is in your corner – so take comfort in the fact that you do have real support.

    1. I’m glad you haven’t had anything icky happen in the blogosphere- and I hope you never do; I doubt you would.

      I’m spoiled rotten with the kindness I get from you and other bloggers; I’m deeply grateful. I know you understand that because you too get the same kind of encouragement.

      Your advice is spot-on – I know I can’t control much, but I can certainly try my best to focus on what matters, and at the ripe, young age of 45 (yep, I’m older than YOU!) I’m more motivated than ever to make good things happen in my life.

      Thanks again, my (very young;) friend!
      Dy

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