Trust Redux

This morning I sifted through the blog posts I’ve written over the past year in order to piece together some sections for my book. I came across a post titled “Trust” which was written in the early days of my blog. I decided to re-post it today since so much has happened since I published it, and I think (and hope) some of my newer readers might relate to it.

See you Monday, thanks for reading, & have a great weekend!!!

Dyane

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TRUST

Today is the first day that writing a blog post feels like a “have to” instead of a “want to” activity, in part because I know that hardly anyone (and oftentimes no one) reads these posts. I must admit that the prospect of having a chunky blog audience is alluring. Having a large readership would provide me with a powerful incentive to write even if I didn’t feel gung-ho when first creating each post. (Like exercise, I find that once I start writing, no matter how resistant I feel beforehand, I always feel better once I tap the keyboard for a measly few minutes.)

I’m barely promoting this blog. Truth be told, I’m using blogging more for a daily writing practice rather than as a lofty platform to reach hundreds of followers. Blogging is more gratifying than journaling these days; I used to keep journals for years and I got burned-out.

My blog is also a very convenient way for me to procrastinate focusing on the project of my heart: my book. So today instead of taking an hour or two to write a post, I’ll use this time to open my “Birth of a New Brain” file and read some of what I wrote over the past few years. I’ve only been able to read up to page eight, believe it or not, for it’s daunting material and it’s an intimidating task.

Oh, how I need to trust the process of writing and I want more than most anything to trust my capability as a writer.

As a voracious reader, I’ve noticed the rise of mediocre books now available complete with typos, syntax errors, crappy content, and amateur covers. (Yes, I sound like a snob, and I suppose I am one!) Virtually anyone can write a book and sell it to the public via Amazon and other internet avenues. If those books make it, why can’t mine? I must trust that my concept is valid; it’s also original, and while I won’t win awards anytime soon, my writing quality is solid. I remind myself that I didn’t buy my degree in English from the University of California; I earned it with blood, sweat, angst and a ton of writing.

Again, it all comes down to trust…self-trust. We can’t take our book accolades to the grave with us. I’ll give “Birth of a New Brain” my best shot over the next year, and if it works out, great, and if it doesn’t, I’ll know that I tried with all my heart, I trusted myself at long last, and that is what truly matters.

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17 thoughts on “Trust Redux

  1. I’ve felt like this, too, quite often. Even if my blog’s not read much, it has kept me writing, which I couldn’t say a year ago. MY WIP has been my WIP for, um, six years, and right now, is looking like it’ll be seven. While that feels endless and meandering (right now, at least) because of teaching and parenting and other -ing words, my blog is something I can start AND finish. It also promises me a good read when I check out the blogs of others. (HINT HINT) So yes: trust the writing. Your readers connect with you and feel their own struggles become less isolated. It’s like finding a hand in the fog: we may not be able to see the end, but we know we’re not alone. πŸ™‚

    1. Jean, I am so glad you read this post and commented – thank you, thank you! Prepare yourself for a novella reply. I just had a cup of black coffee. Yum.

      Because of you, I re-read this post today and I really got a kick out it & your comment. I’m not thrilled that I’m STILL going through the same angst with ye olde WIP, but reading this post & your response reminded me of my conviction that I must see my project through even if I don’t get the accolades, etc.

      Speaking of writerly recognition, please read on….

      Although I deliberately muted 98% of those I follow on Twitter until Oct. 1 when I turn in my MS to Post Hill, YOU made the cut!

      I muted all bipolar & postpartum-related tweets because I REALLY need a break from those newsfeeds. :0
      I’m so glad I did it too!

      But something came through a few days ago in spite of my attempt to drown out the bp/pp gibberjabber. A tweet announced the 2016 “Best Bipolar Blogs” from Heathline. The winners were almost identical to the 2015 winners, and while most of the blogs are good, Healthline should’ve selected some new blogs. (You know where I’m going with this! πŸ˜‰

      Plus there was one blog named a “Best Blog” in 2015 & 2016 that has had barely any fresh material published on it since 2015. We’re talking 3 or 4 posts in 2016. One of Healthline’s requirements for the award was that the blog publishes new material often. SOooooooOOOOO why am I bringing this u[?

      Well, yeah, I was jealous of the winners & the fact apparently that one person chose the “best blogs of 2016” who doesn’t seem too informed, which is ridiculous. I reminded myself I have to stop comparing. It’s SO HARD. I was in a good mood the other day, reading my newsletter from a publisher I like called Counterpoint; I met the founder at that conference I attended last summer.

      As I scrolled down the e-letter I spotted a big photo of a woman who was my junior high classmate (and we were friends for a while) named Aimee Bender. I’ve mentioned her before; she’s a bestselling writer & teacher.In the photo Aimee sat chummily with two of the Counterpoint staff at the big L.A. Writing Conference. She doesn’t even have anything to DO with Counterpoint, but it sent me into a “You suck, Dyane!” tizzy!!!!!!!

      I need to work on this, Jean, don’t I? These feelings of envy, jealous, insecurity are soooo junior high!

      This morning I saw that a book entirely about the use of vinegar was published. Couldn’t it be a chapbook? What will I see next? A book about dust? (Well,that might be cool if it’s related to “The Golden Compass”!)

      As far as your WIP goes, seven years is nothing, LOL! Try almost 10 years and then you’ll be cookin’ with gas! πŸ˜‰

      I love these lines you wrote:

      “Your readers connect with you and feel their own struggles become less isolated. It’s like finding a hand in the fog: we may not be able to see the end, but we know we’re not alone.”

      What a vivid, compelling image!

      YOU are a magnificnent writer, and you deserve your WIP to garner lots of awards when the time comes. And I won’t be jealous because you are generous with other writers and a great friend! I’ll buy many copies of your book. I practice what I preach – I bought 7 copies of Greg Archer’s memoir “Grace Revealed” and I got my mom to buy a bunch of them too for herself and her cronies! :)))

      take care & thanks again for reading my older posts. I like how they are shorter….I need to work on that when it comes to the current posts!

      your fan, who wrote a blog post here just for you, ha ha ha!
      Dyane

      1. A blog post indeed! πŸ™‚

        I hope you don’t mind my brevity in return. πŸ™‚ Your experiences make a mark on readers. They feel your experiences, and know their own are not so singular. Sure, other people rate blogs, but I can’t help if those who rate really get what on earth they’re rating. Your work means so, so much to those of us struggling in the fog. Those who can somehow write a hundred pages about vinegar (insert head scratching here) must have an audience…somewhere…but you have an audience, believe you me. Don’t give up.

    1. Thank you for such glorious compliments! I’m soaking them in! You are truly amazing handling those twins – it’s not for the weak! πŸ˜‰

      I hope things are getting easier and that you can get some time for ***yourself***!!!!! :))))))) (What’s that? I hear you say!) Seriously, you deserve some special time that’s all your own, and soon!

      I’m really looking forward to reading your next post !
      ((hugs)))
      xo,
      Dy

  2. It’s interesting to look back on what we have written in the past. Good luck with the book Dy and, as you say, there are opportunities to self publish that never existed in the past.
    Good luck Dy.

  3. I want to thank you for posting this- “trust the process” is the mantra I often try to use. I’m still learning how to trust much of anything but not giving up trying ❀

    1. Hi Safe.Amanda – I’m so happy I started following your blog and it’s great to have you here. I commend you for using such a helpful, meaningful mantra such as “trust the process” (I’m considering putting post-its on my walls & mirrors that state that, but my kids would have a field day with hiding them from me! πŸ˜‰ I look forward to reading your posts and following your journey.

      Never give up trying! From the little I’ve read by you, I can already tell you are special! πŸ™‚ Have a good weekend, and thanks again for reading my post. πŸ™‚ See ya ’round!

      Dyane

      1. Thank you so much Dyane! I find your posts very inspiring and motivating for me to do better. (I thought about the post-its idea too but even though I don’t have kids I think it would drive my husband insane πŸ™‚

      2. HI again, my dear. Your comment has made my day! If I did the post-it thing it would freak out Craig as well, ha ha ha! But who knows, if you and I did it, maybe it will affect them subliminally. Now I actually want to do it! Ha ha ha! I will keep you….POSTED! πŸ˜‰ XO

    1. You are more than welcome, breakdownchick. It’s an honor to have you read this post! It’s not easy to trust in either ourselves or the Universe, is it? Knowing you’re out there doing the same thing inspires me. Thanks for stopping by to comment, & please take care! πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you Kitt! I reached 170 pgs. today, but I’ll be whittling away at this draft over the next few weeks. I’m totally exhausted physically, mentally, you-name-it from staring at my screen all morning long. Moreover, I don’t have ANY chocolate in the house, which is clearly a crisis! :0

      Thanks for retweeting this post, and I hope you guys have a great weekend!

    1. Thank YOU so much!!!!! Loved your comment – it’s so nice to feel understood. I’ve been reading all your posts faithfully and you’re in the my thoughts. I’m always rooting for you!

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