This morning I sifted through the blog posts I’ve written over the past year in order to piece together some sections for my book. I came across a post titled “Trust” which was written in the early days of my blog. I decided to re-post it today since so much has happened since I published it, and I think (and hope) some of my newer readers might relate to it.
See you Monday, thanks for reading, & have a great weekend!!!
Today is the first day that writing a blog post feels like a “have to” instead of a “want to” activity, in part because I know that hardly anyone (and oftentimes no one) reads these posts. I must admit that the prospect of having a chunky blog audience is alluring. Having a large readership would provide me with a powerful incentive to write even if I didn’t feel gung-ho when first creating each post. (Like exercise, I find that once I start writing, no matter how resistant I feel beforehand, I always feel better once I tap the keyboard for a measly few minutes.)
I’m barely promoting this blog. Truth be told, I’m using blogging more for a daily writing practice rather than as a lofty platform to reach hundreds of followers. Blogging is more gratifying than journaling these days; I used to keep journals for years and I got burned-out.
My blog is also a very convenient way for me to procrastinate focusing on the project of my heart: my book. So today instead of taking an hour or two to write a post, I’ll use this time to open my “Birth of a New Brain” file and read some of what I wrote over the past few years. I’ve only been able to read up to page eight, believe it or not, for it’s daunting material and it’s an intimidating task.
Oh, how I need to trust the process of writing and I want more than most anything to trust my capability as a writer.
As a voracious reader, I’ve noticed the rise of mediocre books now available complete with typos, syntax errors, crappy content, and amateur covers. (Yes, I sound like a snob, and I suppose I am one!) Virtually anyone can write a book and sell it to the public via Amazon and other internet avenues. If those books make it, why can’t mine? I must trust that my concept is valid; it’s also original, and while I won’t win awards anytime soon, my writing quality is solid. I remind myself that I didn’t buy my degree in English from the University of California; I earned it with blood, sweat, angst and a ton of writing.
Again, it all comes down to trust…self-trust. We can’t take our book accolades to the grave with us. I’ll give “Birth of a New Brain” my best shot over the next year, and if it works out, great, and if it doesn’t, I’ll know that I tried with all my heart, I trusted myself at long last, and that is what truly matters.