Profundity Is Not On Today’s Menu ;)

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I had great aspirations to write a high-quality blog post over this weekend.  I envisioned typing a few paragraphs filled with a pearl of wisdom or two.

It ain’t gonna happen.  I’ve given up.

On Friday I started writing about topics that were very disturbing that I plan to complete at some point.  This morning I realized that I don’t want to focus on pain, terror and suicide today.  I need a levity break.  Summer is in the air and in my brain, and it’s going to be over 90 degrees where I live today! 

When I read fellow bloggers’ posts I don’t require each and every creation to be worthy of a Pulitzer.  I love the variety of writing that I encounter in the WordPress reader.  I bet you do too.  A simple description of a writer’s experience ordering a latte at a coffee shop appeals to me.  Each of you would write about your different impressions, sights, smells, sounds etc.  So I remind myself that even though I’ve tackled biggie bipolar topics in the past, there’s welcome room for the seemingly mundane moments and subjects as well.

This weekend it has been just me and my six-year-old Marilla and of course Lucy, who is now an eleven-week-old feisty, furry, adorable pup.  My husband and older daughter flew to San Diego so that he could receive the “People in Preservation Award” from the Save Our Heritage Organisation in North Park, San Diego.  He was honored with this award for his acclaimed book Quest for Flight – John J. Montgomery and the Dawn of Aviation in the West.   This was the first time we’ve been apart since my last hospitalization a year ago.  While I felt steady about our brief separation, some anxiety came up for me all the same.  (I’m already a VERY anxious person!)

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Yesterday I planned for Marilla to spend the afternoon at her friend’s house.  I had met the parents a few times before, and I really liked them.  But my damn social anxiety got in the way during each of our interactions.  I used to be a very social person.  I was even selected for jobs because of how I interacted with all kinds of people face-to-face.  Now that I’m anxiety-medication free and alcohol-free, I’m 100% present with this angst that I loathe so much.  Lo and behold, my puppy has already been helping me to reduce those feelings, and I’ve brought her with me almost everywhere.  But Lucy can’t “fix” me.

When I dropped off Marilla at her buddy’s house, it was a quick “Hi there, thanks for having her!”chit-chat that lasted less than five minutes.  I wore my new sunglasses so I could feel more incognito.  (I took them off at the last minute, though, because I felt it was rude to wear them when speaking with this parent!)  

A few hours later when I went to pick her up it was different story.  I planned on a slightly longer interaction since picking up your child always takes longer than you think!  I held Lucy in my arms as my talisman although damn, at seventeen pounds she is getting HEAVY! Then I heard the dreaded words:

“Come on in!”

Fuck it.” I thought.    I gave up.  “I’m not going to try to come up with a feeble excuse.  Yes, I could go back home with Rilla and Lucy, and then stay glued to the computer the rest of the afternoon.  Or I could give this a chance.  I’ll wait and see how uncomfortable and panicked I get!”

To make a long story short, we left six hours later.

Yes!

This couple had a lovely backyard with a pool and hot tub.   They were friendly with their neighboring families, so much so that halfway through my social soiree, some of their neighbors stopped by to hang out and chat with us.  As I’ve written about in a previous post, I live surrounded by recluses for the most part.  This easygoing, delightful scene would NEVER happen on my street.  They have block parties there too – of course they do!  

Their three kids and mine were having a complete blast in their pool.  I felt more at ease than I had in a long time with “strangers”.  Plus the parents already knew about my bipolar disorder for I had disclosed it to them briefly in a previous conversation. (That was something that I regretted at first.  Later on I was relieved that I did it because I felt I could be myself and not worry about accidentally uttering the “b” word.)  

To top it off, I left with some beautiful clothes that the mom no longer needed, and which I sorely did.  It was a one-stop socializing and shopping experience.

Lucy loved being there as well, and received plenty of appreciative pats.

I wish I could have had a few glasses of wine or even better, a few strong Patron margaritas…I still had that anxious feeling lurking the whole time which alcohol can smooth out so well.  But I hope, as in weight training, that the more I do this kind of thing, the more confident I will feel in social settings.  

I doubt I’ll return to how I used to be in terms of social events, but then again, if you told me that I’d be spending  a whopping six hours at my daughter’s friend’s house with people I didn’t know well, I would have guffawed.

I hope that whatever you’re grappling with, you’ll make a positive breakthrough with it very soon, be it big or small.  We all have been through hell.  It’s time for a little joy, don’t you think? I’d love for you to comment about what you are presently grappling with in your life, aside from bipolar, even if it’s a “little thing”.  I find it all pretty fascinating. 

Thanks for reading as always!

Dyane

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p.s. watch me serenade my eleven-week-old American Farm collie mix Lucy with Kiss Them Where The Sun Don’t Shine!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=451352228334420&set=vb.100003789417669&type=2&theater

 

 

 

 

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17 thoughts on “Profundity Is Not On Today’s Menu ;)

  1. Dyane,
    This post made me smile. I am so happy for you that you had a great time and were able to visit for 6 hours! Awesome. It’s great to write things other than the constant struggle we go through…because of course there are times when “life is good!”

    1. I loved your comment, Amy – thank you so much for sharing how you smiled! :))) Yay! There is enough doom & gloom lurking everywhere and it’s such a nice break to focus on good stuff. I hope to do that more and more if at all humanly possible! Thanks again – I really value having you as a reader!

  2. Great post. I think it is a good thing to share the diagnosis with people. Getting out of the way at an early point means I am able to move on from it. It also weeds out the people who are uncomfortable dealing with such issues. I connect with the people who take it in their stride.

    1. Thank you SO much for commenting, glenn2point0! I appreciate your philosophy about disclosure. You’re absolutely right – it’s *far* better to find out right away if the person is comfortable dealing with mental illness instead of finding out down the line that you’ve been stigmatized for it. I value your comment & your follow very much! I enjoyed reading about your creating your unusual blog name. Fascinating!! Take care and have a wonderful day. I look forward to reading more of your blog soon! 🙂

    1. Thanks so much, Tony! It always lifts my spirits when I spot your comments. I too hope that day will serve as a breakthrough for better times ahead. God bless you for your prayers and support! :)))

  3. I am glad that you had a good time. You have naturally likable personality. i love reading your writing. Like I said before, I would love to get to where you are at with my writing. If you makes you feel any better, I have social anxiety over the internet. I am a HUGE page stalker. It takes a lot for me to comment. But you give me a kind of ease to just comment.

    1. I’d rather read a comment like this than have a hot fudge sundae!! Well, ideally I’d like to be reading a comment like this one while I eat a sundae. Or a chocolate bar. Or double chocolate brownie…but I’m digressing.

      I can’t tell you in words how my heart lifted when I read this comment of yours. I would never know you have social anxiety over the internet!! (That’s the magic of the internet, isn’t it? We don’t have to worry about our facial expressions etc. when typing to one another….it’s a blessing and sometimes a curse.) I’ve been known to be a page stalker too! 😉 No shame in that.

      The fact that you took some time to comment speaks volumes to me, and I’m honored and thankful. (Especially when you mentioned that you feel comfortable commenting here. ) Thanks from the bottom of my heart!!! Lots of liebster love to ya, Lady L!

  4. You know what Dyane, you talk about writing this “high-quality” blog post, but you know what I find most inspiring about you? It’s the way you write about daily events that happen to you! You have the unique and wonderful way of placing my own life in perspective…just by writing about yourself! And I believe this is probably true for most of your followers! “High-quality” posts are in the eye of the beholder (in this case the reader)! Everything you write is of the highest quality!

    1. Okay, dear N. Eleanore S. – you have officially made my day. I sometimes feel guilty about my posts being all “me me me” instead of being informational/instructive, but I can’t worry about that too much. I’m too tired, ha ha!

      You have helped me feel much better about my problem in an instant. I am thrilled to pieces that you’ve been one of my loyal readers. You inspire to me write and not feel like I must change who I am t my core. Who could ask for anything better than that? God bless you!

      xoxoxoxoxoxoox

    1. How sweet! This is why I blog – because my blog friends such as you, who I’ve gotten to know through your insightful, honest writing, *are* sincerely happy for me. I love love love it! Thank you for this lovely comment.

  5. This blog post was so inspirational to me. I too suffer with social anxiety, but I have found through my book signings that I can be the social butterfly I once was before I was labeled. I’m so happy you had a great time with people who you may now be able to call friends instead of strangers 🙂

    1. Thank you so much, Becca – you definitely understand what it’s like to suffer with social anxiety! I’m SUPER-glad that you’ve been able to soar during the book signings. I hope I can call these people my real friends like YOU are my wonderful, real friend. It’s still “early days”, but Craig immediately hit it off with the dad when they met. We’re talking about lining up a summer BBQ. I’ll keep you posted! 😉 xo

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