This morning is the last morning our household will be dog-less for hopefully the next fifteen+ years. Tonight we’ll pick up “Puppy”, name t.b.d. I’m feeling really nervous about this change. It’s silly, because I consider this to be a joyful occasion, and I’m excited to bring a puppy home.
There’s no need for me to feel insecure about my abilities as a dog owner. I lovingly cared for my two dogs Shera and Tara for fifteen years, half of those years as a single gal. I know I can be a great dog mom. Despite my confidence, I’m freaked out all the same.
As I type away it occurs to me that change must be behind my anxiety. I’ve read that positive change can be just as difficult as negative change. I’m also wondering if PMS could be contributing to my uneasiness and heightened sensitivity. While PMS could be a culprit, heck, I’m forty-four – for all I know, menopause might be heading on its merry way into my life. But I hope NOT this year!!! Please God!
At the crack of dawn, my geologist husband jetted out the door to a work site. I nagged and hurried our girls to get them ready for school. Our home was filled with frenetic activity and LOTS of noise – our daughters are a handful, and they were amped up with anticipation about tonight’s furry arrival.
After I dropped them off at school, I realized I felt lonely and isolated; more than usual. Returning to my cold, empty, dark, quiet home did not appeal to me at all. Despite feeling on the verge of PMS-like tears, I visited one of my favorite coffee shops, Surf City Coffee Co., so I could sit around people and treat myself to a mocha.
Surf City has a very mellow vibe which lends itself well to writing. There’s free WiFi and I made sure to bring my laptop. After I walked into Surf City, I received a providential sign from God that I was in the right place. This event happened while I stood in line waiting to order. The barista said loudly, out of the blue,
Some of you know that lithium is one of my primary meds for bipolar disorder. My Dad took it long ago, although he suffered the classic side effect of shakiness. That wasn’t good for his career as a professional violinist, but lithium helped him for a while. I’ve taken lithium off and on during the past eight years. My periodic blood level tests check out fine, my initial side effects (shakiness, some hair loss) subsided, and it has worked well for me, especially to prevent mania. I’m still creative and I don’t feel flat while taking it, as some people unfortunately experience. I also like the fact that it’s an “old-school” drug, it’s cheap and it comes in generic form.
I wondered why the barista said “lithium” so loudly for no apparent reason! I laughed after she said it, as a matter of fact, because it simply tickled my fancy!
When it was my turn to order, I asked the barista why she belted out the word “lithium”.
“It’s the answer to our Question of the Day!” she answered cheerfully.
“Ahhhh.” I replied. In my previous Surf City pitstops, I hadn’t noticed the obvious “Question of the Day” bulletin board hanging from the ceiling right in front of me. This time I looked up at the board, which read, “At room temperature, what is the LIGHTEST solid element in terms of density?” I didn’t know this fascinating fact about lithium until today!
After today, when I have my six-hour-long stretches alone at home, I’ll have some very-much-wanted, furry, loving company by my side. It’s always nice to have quiet, solo time, and I’ll still arrange for that in the months ahead. But I don’t think I’ll require 100% alone time, sans dog, all that much.
As a longtime dog owner, I didn’t realize how much I missed having “dog energy” around me since Tara and Shera died six years ago. Ever since then, I never openly acknowledged the fact that an important part of my life was missing: my pets. My bipolar depression took over, similar to ooozing lava smothering the land, and depression obliterated my desire for a pet. Last week I gave myself permission to open my heart to a pet again, and I’m counting the minutes to meeting our new family member.
As my fellow dog-loving friend Carrie said to me, “Spring is the perfect time to get a dog!” and she’s right. I’ve always considered spring to be a symbolic time of renewal. (Carrie blog’s contains an intriguing animal telepathy post that can be found here: http://fleetiris.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/animal-telepathy/)
Having a pet also marks a positive step in my recovery with bipolar disorder. I am strong and stable enough to be the primary caretaker of a puppy. It feels really good to reach this point, and I’m excited to share with you what happens as I adjust to having a delightful “furry baby” charm her way into my heart…and shred some family heirlooms or what have you along the way! 😉