Tired

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I’m tired today.  There’s no way around this fatigue.  I can only drink so much coffee until the caffeine infusion backfires and my stomach gets annoyed with me, so I’ve backed away from the coffee pot.  Luckily I don’t have to be “on” for any one, I don’t have to give any State of the Union speeches, and I don’t have to be at a job where I’m expected to perform.  I can be one with my banana slug neighbors.

I may have been bestowed with a Mental Health Hero Award yesterday, but today I feel like I’m just “regular folks”. Suffice it to say that I won’t be leaping over buildings in single bound wearing my pink cape anytime over this weekend.

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I think part of the reason I’m pooped out is due to the trigger I experienced regarding our friend’s suicide attempt on the first day of Mental Health Month.  We’ve also had quite a heat wave, with temperatures reaching the mid-80’s.  While I’ve made an effort to drink more water, the heat still affects me.  The final reason I’m so blahhh (and, my dear readers, you’ll be muttering “Duh!” after this part…) is that I had to take a little more Seroquel last night. I rarely do that, but once in a while it’s a necessity.  I’m grateful that I have Seroquel at my disposal because it has worked so well,  but it does have the sedating side effect.  It has helped me with both severe agitated insomnia and depression. So I’m not depressed.  Praise be!  I always get a little nervous writing that because I’ve been so used to saying how terribly depressed I am.  I’m just in low gear.

My feeling pooped out certainly doesn’t make for sparkling, dynamic, insightful writing.  Despite that fact, I’m following my beloved Madeleine L’Engle’s advice to write for thirty minutes a day. (Unless one is severely ill, of course!)  Which, thank the heavens, I’m not.  I apologize for this blog being so blah, but I’m sure you’ll understand and hopefully you’ll give me a reprieve of punishment!

When I read others’ blogs that are written when they’re having one of those days, I couldn’t care less about a post’s blahness if real feelings are revealed.  I actually prefer the “messy” blogs where innermost, raw feelings are exposed!  I connect with the “I feel like shit and I’m going to tell you why…” posts on a profoundly deep level. I love the fact that those kinds of posts aren’t sanitized like some of the glossy, cutesy, uber-witty blogs I’ve come across since exploring the blogosphere.

Yesterday I started following a spirited, brand-spankin’-new blogger MixtapeMasterJip-C. (Say that ten times fast!)  Mixtape apologized in the inaugural post for not having a “fancy” interface.  I commented that I didn’t require fanciness in order to follow a good blog – here’s Mixtape’s first post:

https://mixtapemasterjipc.wordpress.com/2014/05/02/the-mind-of-mixtape-master-jip-c/

As long as the blogger’s writing is authentic and the subjects are ones that I can relate to more or less, I’m going to read those posts.  I don’t demand beautiful graphics, charming fonts, or dazzling WordPress smoke and mirrors of any kind.  I like reading about the minutiae of one’s life.  I don’t need one’s blog to cheer me up or teach me or inspire me.  Self-care is my job, and sometimes it’s my therapist’s job to teach & inspire me, but I don’t require that of my beloved bloggers!

Although I’ve blogged for the past six months, the time has gone by in a flash, and I still feel like a neophyte blogger.  Sometimes I feel guilty that my posts do not educate others very much about bipolar disorder, specifically postpartum bipolar disorder, since that was the primary reason I began the blog.  I let go of that guilt as best as I can, and carry on.

Yesterday I had a valuable conversation with a very talented friend.  She’s a published author (Put Learning to Work: The Value of an Applied Pre-Vocational Curriculum for 6th-8th grade, At-risk and Special Needs Students), and blogger Carrie of Fleetiris. She shared with me how blogging primes her for her other creative work, which includes other forms of writing, art and other pursuits.  She blogs first, and then she’s able to move on to focus on her other projects.  She likes how blogging preps her before she moves on to working on a screenplay or novel.  If you have several writing projects going on, I suggest trying this technique out if you haven’t done so already!  To read Carrie’s eclectic blog posts and see her gorgeous, one-of-a-kind recycled artwork, visit this link:

http://fleetiris.wordpress.com/2014/04/30/these-3-photos-are-all-one-piece-entitled-point-of-no-return/

Blogging definitely serves as my warm-up before I work on my book.  Now that I’ve been blessed to have a few readers whose comments provide valuable, affirming feedback, I really am hooked on blogging – it’s a delight!

I knew there would be days like this where I’d feel drained, out of it, and blocked in terms of coming up with a useful blog topic. I’ll whine about it to you, dear readers (you can send me a bill for your virtual therapy!) but then I will move on and return to WordPress to wax poetically once more another day.

I would like to end on a high note.  Last night I was asked by one of my mentors Dr. Walker Karraa to be an editor for her new, cutting-edge website Stigmama.com.  Stigmama.com is dedicated to women’s experiences of stigma regarding mental illness and motherhood. I’ve contributed to Stigmama.com since its inception.  It’s a big honor for me to participate as an editor with Stigmama.com, and I am totally stoked!  (I’m Los Angeles born & bred, what more can I say?)

Please check it out & spread the word: http://www.stigmama.com or on Facebook: www.facebook.com/stigmama and

Twitter:  @Stigmama1

Dr. Karraa and I are on the lookout for Stigmama.com contributors, by the way, so if you’re interested in submitting a piece, please email my at dyane@baymoon.com.

HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY!!! AND THANKS FOR READING!!!

Dyane

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9 thoughts on “Tired

  1. Thoroughly enjoyed crawling into your mind and understanding your thoughts. Your conveyance of this moments are bright and colorful and very entertaining. Thank you for sharing your inner workings with us.

    1. What a fabulous comment! Thank you Michelle! :))) Please crawl to your heart’s content around this blog. I am saving your comment to print out for my “happy bulletin board” – I know that sounds cheesy, but comments such as your totally lift my spirits and inspire me to write. I wish you a wonderful day and definitely plan to check out your blog this afternoon. take care, Dyane

  2. You are amazing! Thank you so much for the “shout out” (is that still a cool term?) You made me feel more confident to keep on writing. I was just telling my roommate that I’m so glad I finally started blogging and my friends are ecstatic. Im lucky to have so much support. But I also mentioned that people I dont even know are enjoying what I have to say and that makes me feel even more confident. Also, I can relate to this post in so many ways. The copius amounts off coffee that does nothin (until youre ready to go to bed!) Etc. I truly appreciate good souls that encourage and appreciate other people. Its what we need. Thank you.

    1. Yo Free Comic Crusader! (Yep, I’m a dork!) I think “shout-out” is a totally cool term, but then again I’m an ancient 44. I still feel like I’m 14, I sh*t you not.

      Anyhoooooo – just you wait. You have a cool blog and I bet you’re going to get a bunch of loyal readers over the next few months. How awesome is it that you’re friends are so happy you’re blogging? You’ve only just begun with your blogdom. (That’s actually a word on Wiktionary, believe it or not!)

      I am up-to-date with your blog posts and I eagerly anticipate reading your thoughts about bipolar…or whatever you fancy. Have fun with blogging – it seems like you already are enjoying it and that translates through your writing.

      I wish you some glorious caffeination today. I’m on to cup 2 (which is really more like 2 cups in 1 because I use my giant “Nightmare Before Christmas” mug my friend got me at Disneyland) and it’s pretty good – it’s a really dark, smoky French Roast. I prefer real Kona (it’s only $30 a pound, ha ha ha) or different blends, but this one will do.

      Thank *you* for your awesome, uplifting comment!!!

      Have a great day Mixtape Master Jip-C!
      Dyane 🙂

      1. Wow! Keeps getting better here. Im 45, my spirit 16 without zits, on my 2nd cup of coffee but its in a lame gigantic mini mouse mug borrowed from my roommatr but hey…its disney!!! I started a bipolar blog yesterday which i think was cool to separate. Not sure if people can see it on my 1st blog. Still kinda lost but here it is http://moodymixtape.wordpress.com

      2. And you have a great day too. I cant think of any other adjectives to give you besides “awesome,” “amazing…” lets see. Just gonna stick with the “A’s” today. 🙂

      3. just don’t call me an ass…unless I deserve it!!!! ;))))))) you are so sweet – thanks again! And I will follow the bp blog – I didn’t see that so I’m glad you mentioned it – I’m off to do that now!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!! Us forty-somethings gotta stick together! p.s. that is hilarious about the mini mouse mug!

  3. Dearest kdbug12, your comment is the kind of remark that keeps me going.

    Aw shucks, I don’t have many people who follow this blog. I won’t lie – I’ve wished for an abundant amount of fans at times and I’ve written about that desire, but if that happened, then I’d lose the give & take of comments. I wouldn’t have enough time to respond, and I feel that’s really one of the biggest perks of blogging! (I hope that makes sense…)

    Anyway, thank you for such a lovely comment. I am really happy that you found me! 🙂

    take good care, Dyane

  4. You are doing an incredible thing for so many who follow your blog. The fact that you take the time to respond so faithfully to each person. It’s hard to find people who can really understand how bipolar affects our daily lives; and than to provide sincere encouragement. … Thank you.

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